Neopolitan: Quality Time With Our Former Colonial Overlords (Or, Neil's Trip To The UK)

Episode 2: Money, Money, Money

The Great British pound, quite possibly the most evil currency ever conceived, is a killer. Even before I stepped foot onto English soil, the transport and lodging expenses raped and pillaged my bank account in ways that would make the Romans blush. With coin denominations in 1, 2, 5, 10 and 20 pence (0.01, 0.02, 0.05, 0.10 and 0.20 of a pound, respectively) and 1 and 2 quid monster pounds, even the mere act of carrying the GBPs in your lovely lil' pocket is like jogging with those silly ankle weights. No wonder posh Londoners are so fit.

So, it came as no surprise on Day One that this would be a costly couple weeks. This fact became most painfully obvious in London whilst enjoying a day of supporting the British economy with some marathon shopping.

Prancing hand-in-hand like two boys in the streets of San Francisco, shopping and money are forever connected in codependency where one cannot happily survive without the other. For me, at least. I had told myself that I would try to control my spending, but the allure of "50% OFF!" signs was too much to resist. I'm only human!

On Oxford Street, an eye-popping orgy of shopping glory, alone, there are 4 H&Ms, 4 Zaras, 3 Uniqlos, 2 Mujis, a Top Shop and Top Man, American Apparel, Urban Outfitters... and we haven't even set foot into one of the many comprehensive department stores, such as Selfridge's or Harrods. Similar stores of tradition - though not as grand - are sadly almost extinct now in the US, run out of business in favour of megamalls and Targets. Even relatively ghetto Primark, purveyor of galleries of collared shirts, can count the Prime Minister as a customer. No wonder everyone looks good. When H&M is as ubiquitous as Wal-Mart is in the US, you can understand why everyone dresses so much better in the UK.

Subway Dandies Dress Better Than You and I

Harrods, the most famous department store in the land, is an opulent display, looking more like a museum than shopping centre. Fittingly, it's the exclusive one-stop shoppery of the Royal Family.

The Harrods Sweet Shoppe, where I unwittingly dropped 4 quid on a few pieces of chocolate

Already got your new purse and parfum, so don't forget your CHEESE (meat and fish in the next room)

With so much temptation hovering around every bend, my wallet remained bulimic. In every store, it became commonplace to puke out twenty pound note after twenty pound note, quickly depleting my finances as I consumed all the treasures around me. I didn't even have time (or funds) to plunder HMV or WHSmith! But waste I did not. I'm not that irresponsible.

Come on, even their UniQlo is cooler

Luckily for me, it was sale time in Britain. Unlike China, where a genuine discount rack in a worthwhile store is as hard to find as a passing sanitation grade in a local restaurant, things in London go on sale. Dropping 20 quid on a pair of Zara jeans is far from extravagant, especially when that exact same pair of jeans is sold for 500 RMB in Shanghai. Taking that into consideration, shopping in London is almost reasonable. In fact, most "global" items (by that I mean products that are the same around the world, like the previously mentioned store brands) were sold at about the same base price as their counterparts in other countries once currency is properly converted. So what's the problem with the British pound then?

Daily living expenses, that's what.

The cost of living is out of control in the UK. In this rare instance, China wins. You can engage in socio-economic debates with someone more prone to that type of banter, but for a schmuck like me, I just take things for surface value and how it affects ME. So when the frivolous shopping is over and it's time to spend your hard earned pounds on the necessities, it's shocking, painful even, to see just how expensive things are. Basically, for items such as food, toiletries and basic entertainment, the number value is the same as the US, but you just switch the currency. Double the fun, but not in a happy way, like scoring with twins. Hence, you get the following:

Cup of drip coffee at Starbucks: 1.20 pounds (2.40 USD)
Sandwich from a convenience store: 3 pounds (6 USD)
Ticket to a movie: 12 pounds (24 USD)
Pint of beer: 4 pounds (8 USD)
Ride on the tube: about 2 pounds (4 USD)
Bottle of decent shampoo: 3 pounds (6 USD)

As our American brains spin into orbit, consider the same costs in terms of your hard-earned RMB:

Cup of drip coffee at Starbucks: 1.20 pounds (17 RMB)
Sandwich from a convenience store: 3 pounds (40 RMB)
Ticket to a movie: 12 pounds (170 RMB)
Pint of beer: 4 pounds (56 RMB)
Ride on the tube: about 2 pounds (28 RMB)
Bottle of decent shampoo: 3 pounds (sorry, doesn't exist in China)

So for the cost of a ticket to see Indiana Jones 4, I've just spent the entire month's salary of a Sichuan migrant worker. I know, I know, I can't compare and equate two different systems, but it's just how my brain works. And my brain tells me that England is fucking expensive. Even if they are nice enough to cap daily metro transit at a 5 pound max (ooo, thaaaanks), that's still 10 USD per day. Wish as I may, it'd be impossible to live happily in London unless I was the next London Apprentice. So while I busily plot my next excursion to the United Kingdom, I need some time to recoup my finances.