Prologue (How pretentious!): London Calling
As I stepped out the door this morning, a light layer of film condensed on my skin and that familiar feeling of icky started to creep over me. People around me were using umbrellas, but it wasn't raining (yet). Pale feet and cankles covered in pantyhose stuck through platform sandals. Wrinkly attire haphazardly tossed onto bodies in a hodge podge of mismatching colors and fabrics. The evil stink that pervades everything, no matter how hard it's been scrubbed and rinsed. I am back in China. And it's not nice. After spending two weeks in civilized (sorry, "civilised") society, how could it be?
Paradise, erm, London, was great. This will be my first understatement of many to come. I'll precariously step out on a limb and say it's the greatest city in the world (Lord save my American soul, just in time for Independence Day, huzzah!). People were polite to the point that even I started to feel uncomfortable, as if by merely being my already atypically polite American self, I was being rude and uncouth in their eyes. A peaceful and austere silence blanketed almost everything (until the nightly pub crawls, that is, when they all turn into monsters). Temperate weather, drinkable tap water and civilized driving welcomed me into their arms once again. Well-dressed eye candy as far as the eye could see. Stately architecture and rich history dripping from the cracks of everything above and below ground. Orderly queues. Oh, it was heaven.
Winding through the underground maze of the Tube, dropping wads of cash on musicals (and subsequently shooting wads of happiness at a Radiohead concert), enjoying 60 degree weather in the middle of summer, sunsets at 10pm, and the ubiquitous chirp of "sorry" around every corner, there's just something about London that begs to be worshiped. And thus, this is where the adventure begins and ends, nicely bookending further travels to Bath and Scotland in glorious symmetry. Simply put, the entire trip was phenomenally amazing and badass and every other hyperbolic adjective I have in my already-dwindling arsenal of positive descriptions. Hopefully you too will be inspired to take a trip across the pond (or continent) for a visit. Let's start, shall we?
Episode 1: Going Back To The Start
Through the crowd of loved ones packing Heathrow's arrival hall, I spied Sandra, my travel accomplice and cultural interpreter of all things British for the coming fortnight. After months of planning, I was all too eager to begin our adventure. And most especially after 12 hours sitting next to a Chinese guy taking his first airplane ride, which I could only assume, considering he didn't know how to recline his chair (the button!) or use the amazing on-demand entertainment system provided by Virgin (despite instructions in CHINESE). However, I wasn't about to help him, for everyone knows the dangers of interacting with a local Chinese on a long-distance flight: by the time you land, you've endured hours of inane business babble, English language tutor-torture and namecard exchange. Aaaagh! Tangent over...
Our two week's of travel were centered around three main hubs of fun: London, Bath and Scotland. Our schedule was meticulously planned and packed for maximum oomph, which I am happy to say was successfully executed to an almost scientific degree. We saw and did so much that my brain is still a little overwhelmed. In the interest of saving you the trouble of similar neural failure, I've decided to skirt my usual long-winded, chronological narrative structure in favour (here on out, it's Brit-spell time, bitches) of a more theme-based, yet nevertheless-still-long-winded
London, great King of the World's Cosmopolitan Cities, home to a staggering amount of musicals, museums and metropolitan marvels. And hotties. Lots of hotties.
Bath, UNESCO world heritage city, former Roman aqueous playpen and the place where posh old British ladies and gentlemen (and aspirations) come to die in style.
Scotland, gorgeous land of loch and stone, pride and honour, haggis and Irn Bru, Highlanders and lake monsters, and source of 1/16 of my genetic makeup.
Along the way, we'll pick through the various culinary options (more than you think), exorbitantly priced to keep the British slim; enriching cultural delights, both free and overpriced (see a theme forming yet?); and societal differences to intrigue and confound even the most hardened world traveler. This being the longest non-home-visit trip I've ever been on, it's safe to say that this may get a little lengthy. So grab a bag of crisps and some eye drops, it's time to kick things off. Where to begin? With the thing that matters most in life (to some people anyway): money.
Next: Episode 2, which is all about the Benjamins (or Elizabeths, as it were)...
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