What A Woman

(Or, How Many Shoes Do I Need?!)

Last week, my good friend and frequent shopping accomplice asked me one of life's vital questions.

How many pairs of shoes do you have?

Tricky question, right? That's like asking a Shanghai "massage girl" how many tricks she's turned in the past year or how many hairs I have on my lustrously wavy head. Nearly impossible... The daunting task at hand caused a momentary tinge of panic. From sandals to flip flops, loafers to wing-tips, sneakers to trainers, how could I keep track of all these? Not to mention all the pairs of heels and flats I own.

After racking my brain for longer than any straight (trust me!) man should, I was able to compile a list that only grew with every boost in recollective memory power. And now I feel like a complete douchebag for having so many pairs that, in all seriousness, I probably don't need. Peep the full list, in all its glory:

Sandals (not including flip flops):
2 pairs of Birks

Professional/non-sneaker shoes:
7 (3 pairs brown leather, 2 pairs black leather, 1 pair green suede, 1 pair of boots)

Sneakers:
7 pairs of Converse (3 hightops - limited edition Finland Santa series, regular red/white/blue, khaki/green/brown leather. 4 lowtops - blue/white double tongue, regular sky blue, classic black, double-layer green/red/blue plaid)
3 pairs of athletic trainers (2 pairs of Nike running, 1 pair of Adidas crosstrainers)
1 pair of lowtop checkered Vans
2 pairs of casual Adidas (both red/white/blue combos)
2 pairs of Pumas (original silver Mostros and classic burgundy/khaki)
1 pair of blue Saucony
1 pair of Asics Onitsuke Tigers (silver/white/blue)
2 pairs of Nike casuals (maroon/sky blue Dunk Lows and my new babies, the Neopolitan Nike IDs)

I think that's it... All 27 pairs (54 lovely babies) are happily living with me here in Shanghai, except for the pair of blue Sauconys that I've had since high school, which are floating around my garage back home in the US.

Looking at this list and coming to terms with myself, the truth hits. I really don't wear all of them as much as I should. How can anyone manage? I don't know how the average woman or rapper does it. On average, the most foot-time goes to the black Converse, whose classic and easy-to-match neutrality is a no brainer. Same for the standard white Chucks, which have seen the worst of what Boston, Manhattan and Shanghai streets have to offer.

Ironically, the shoes that cost the most (one pair of Adidas, the Asics, all the leather shoes) see the least amount of daylight, compared to their sale-rack and fake-market brethren.

This continues an ignominious trend that I started way back in 1992 (or thereabouts...), when my pair of first edition Shaquille O'Neal Reeboks saw approximately 3 or 4 months of open air before I ditched them for a pair of shockingly sexy black and turquoise Filas, which were all the ghetto rage. The Shaq Attaqs (truly the hot shit) were gigantically thick monstrosities. Check these puppies out:

Whoa Nelly! The Big Dawgs

This picture does not do their pure girth justice. On the day of schoolyard unveiling (so.extremely.important.), it *happened* to be Field Day, a lovely schoolyard event filled with plenty of adolescent humiliation for your's truly. It may come as a shock to you, but I was not very athletic as a boy (or man, natch). So, executing my perfect plan, I plotted to use my awesome new sneakers to distract potential bullies from noticing how hard I sucked at each event, thus saving me some taunts and punches. But my Shaq Attaqs could not help me. In fact, they made matters worse.

Weighing approximately 10 pounds each - not counting the extra particle weight sucked into the shoe's cavity by that goddamn Pump - the bastards only served to slow me down. The gangliness of my frame was only exacerbated by the massive clown boots attached to my chicken legs. Running the short distance dash, the clunky chunks made me look like Forrest Gump in his leg clamps, awkward and so not fresh. Even an $85 pair of shoes couldn't mask my inadequacies. Let's not even mention what they did to my free-throw basketball shootout score...

Fifteen years later, Shaq Diesel and his magic kicks still haunt me. Despite the fleeting pang of guilt that I feel whenever I score a sweet pair of slightly expensive shoes, the shame always passes when I think of how good I'll look in them. Vanity and fashion statements aside, there is something to be said for a nice pair of shoes: how they represent your personality, the way they can make you feel, and their ability to make an entire outfit shine. It's a highly personal affair that really applies to any mode with which we choose to express ourselves. Personally, due to either sentimental attachments or sheer conceit, my day can be ruined if I am not wearing the right pair. Thus, the unreasonable amount that I own. On second thought, the same obsessive compulsion goes for my shirt and trouser selection. Thank God my friend didn't ask me how many t-shirts I own...

I'm Gonna Be A Father!

(Or, The Beauty of Creation)

Whip out the champagne, cigars and gummy bears, for it is a momentous occasion. I'm finally going to be a dad. And twins! After days of planning and hours of deliberation, I made the decision. My parents wouldn't be too happy if they knew how big a hit my wallet took, but they'll eventually come to accept my choice. I never thought this would happen so soon, but I'm ecstatic to make this announcement. I'm going to be the proud father...of a new pair of Nikes. My babies are due in 4-6 weeks.

NIKEiD, the most badass idea that Adidas failed to get to us first (why Adidas, WHY!?!), opened its flagship studio on the mainland in April 2008. The concept has been around for a while, with shops already buzzing in London and New York City. However, unlike the snobby SoHo locale, the Shanghai studio is open to anyone with enough cash. Appointment only, please.

Gaze Upon Her And Be Humbled!

So what is the big deal? Making your own damn shoes. For those with a shoe fetish or sneaker addiction, this is on par with a mainline hit of pure, uncut dope, with less residual pain and none of that pesky anal leakage. But rather than incorporate another convoluted metaphor to this blog party, I'll return to the whole baby idea. Basically, designing your own sneakers at NIKEiD is like genetically manipulating your own superhuman, bionic, test tube baby in some secret laboratory. Depending on how picky and indecisive you are, the process can take minutes, hours, or days. Come take a quick jog with me:

1. Pick your sneaker model.

Whether you like the bulbous chunk of the Dunk line, the classic smoothness of the Cortez, or the sexy sleek of the Zoom, there is a model for every fashion preference. You can play around with these online at nikeid.nike.com, but the real treats of in-studio conception are exclusive models, colors and fabrics that are not available online.

2. Design your sneaker.

This is where the real fun (or stress, depending on who you are) begins. Each section of the shoe, from the shell to the lining to the laces, is clearly marked on the menu, with each available color/fabric/texture listed below it. Go nuts with the mixing and matching until you find your desired superbaby.

Color: Depending on your chosen canvas (i.e. sneaker model), you are allotted a certain set of colors to play with. And they are all over the place. Ranging from boring, conservative pastels for the classic Tennis model to an orgy of rainbow-on-crack color explosions for the more expensive Jasari running shoe. Neon pink, electric red, taxi yellow, solar orange, lucky green, metallic gold, grey granite... Crayola gone mad in an 80s disco.

Fabric: Much like the color choices, these also vary by model. The casual lines have more selection, as the running shoes and basketball hightops tend to stick with set fabrics for ultimate athletic performance. Choose from patent leather, suede, plain cloth, hard shell, or the exclusive Paul Smith (check) inspired stripe patterns.

Texture: As important as color and fabric, the texture will also dictate the look of the shoe. Whether you pick the gleen of the hard shell, the soft mute of nubuck, the easily dirtied denim cloth, the glittering sheen of metallic silver, or the classic smooth of the patent leather, make sure to check out the actual look and feel on the examples lining the studio walls. There are some things a computer monitor can't convey.

3. Customize that shit.

Vanity is expensive. Since you're already busting out the big monetary guns (~850-1200 RMB) for the oppportunity to design your own footwear, how do you go all the way and truly make it your own? Create a design name and have it stitched to the side, forever cementing your identity and creative prowess. Anything you want, max 10 letters (some models allow 8 letters per shoe). And no profanity, please. Trust me, I checked: it's in the terms. I guess my left shoe "Mother", right shoe "Fucker" design is just not meant to be. Should have settled on "Mass" and "Debator"...

Who in God's Good Name would get "Flaming"!?!?
Although, this is not as bad as the dude who picked "Tool"...
Totally serious about this...

If you're anything like me, you'll go nuts with all of these options. Considering how personal this opportunity really is, I found myself burdened with a lot of pressure to make that one special pair. In my mind, the design had to be a perfect representation of who I am. Lofty, I know. But we all know how much I overthink things.

Aborted Pair: Too Flashy....Laces didn't match well

More Aborted Models: Like A Rainbow Took A Giant Shit On My Feet

So, in the process of playing with different creations, I made a few designs that were pretty loud. Sea green, bold red, radioactive yellow, cobalt blue, tangerine orange. I figured, if I'm making something special, why not go a little crazy? Well, because I'm not crazy or as ostentatious as I may want to be. My main concern was how well the sneakers would match my average outfit and, sorry highlighter yellow and seafoam green, but you are not found in my wardrobe. In the end, I settled on a design that was quite befitting of yours truly - clean and quietly bold, nothing too showy, with a subtle dash of spice snuck in for good measure. I think that sums me up quite nicely. So I present to you, the Nike Neopolitans:










Existentialism-via-shoeware aside, the experience is well worth it, if you care about what covers your feet. Drop by the studio, conveniently located in People's Square, at the corner of Nanjing Pedestrian Road and Xizang Road (metro exits 15, 19, or 20). If you fear commitment, there are 4 Mac stations on the first floor for you to play around with (See below). Designs can be saved in your online locker, after creating a free Nike account. The studio design staff are all very helpful (and bilingual), so consult them as you see fit.

Ground Level Entrance: Four Macs in the center console waiting to be played with

Once you decide to take the plunge, schedule an appointment in the studio located in the basement lab. During your session, you get a free drink, a designer to help you through the process, and about one hour to design the shoe of your dreams. Play with the in-store models and fabric samples, ask questions and do what you have to before plopping down your credit card. You get a personalized birth certificate, free keychain (whoopdidoo!), and an ID card with the design specs and picture of your new baby. They even have stork service: delivery of the final product to your door, free of charge. So much easier than childbirth.

Descending Into Goodness

What are you waiting for?

More studio pictures here:
http://www.kenlu.net/forum/showthread.php?t=25772

NIKEiD.Studio - Shanghai
819 Nanjing East Road (corner of Xizang Road)
Brilliance Shimao International Plaza, Basement level
021-6352-6616
NIKEiD.Shanghai@nike.com